The Negotiator Magazine

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At my seminars, I sometimes ask a person in the front row to stand. As I hold my two hands out, with my palms facing toward the person I've asked to stand, I ask him to place his hands against mine. Having done that and without saying another word, I gently start to push against him. Automatically, without any instruction, he always begins to push back. People shove when you shove them. Similarly, when you argue with someone, it automatically makes him or her want to argue back.

The other great thing about Feel, Felt, Found is that it gives you time to think. Sometimes something will come up in a negotiation that you weren't expecting. You haven't heard anything like this before. It shocks you. You don't know what to say; but if you have Feel, Felt, Found in the back of your mind, you can say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way. However, I have always found . . ." By the time you get there, you'll have thought of something to say. Similarly, you sometimes catch other people at a bad moment. You may be a salesperson who is calling to get an appointment and the person says to you, "I don't have any more time to waste talking to some lying scum-sucking salesperson." You calmly say, "I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way. However . . ." By the time you get there you will have recovered your composure and will know exactly what to say.

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